Thursday 17 December 2015

Chapters open, chapters close


Mit 3. semester er ovre. Mit udvekslingssemester er slut. Om få timer tager jeg flyet til Chicago, og siger farvel til Memphis. Det har været en rutsjebane. Endnu engang er det tilbage til Danmark efter et af mine eventyr. Det har ikke været nemt. Jeg er efterhåndet vænnet til næsten at være flere steder på en gang og jeg troede egentlig jeg var ved at være 'rutineret', men nemmere bliver det altså ikke. Det må jeg vist se i øjnene. Kan man overhovedet vænne sig til at flytte sig hver 3. måned eller hvert halve år? Som jeg beskrev det i dette indlæg, var der ingen nervøsitet da jeg tog afsted mod Tennessee og den kom heller aldrig. På den måde er jeg rutineret. Men tilknytningen? Den vil altid være der. Og det har jeg accepteret. Vi er jo kun mennesker. Hvor trist ville det ikke også være, hvis jeg uden besvær kunne forlade de rammer, som har været mit hjem?

Det er fandme svært at flytte sig fra sted til sted. Imens jeg har været her, har jeg følt et umådeligt sundt savn til Aberdeen. Savn er vel altid sundt, er der nogen der siger. Det kan godt være det er sundt, men det er ikke sjovt at savne noget, du ved du aldrig nogensinde får igen. Lukkede kapitler kan umulige være sunde at savne. Det er overstået. Det har været utrolig rart at savne noget, jeg ved, jeg skal tilbage til. Faktisk lige om lidt. For dem, hvis næse det er gået forbi, så tager jeg hjem nu. Hjem til Europa. Midt i semesteret besluttede jeg mig for kun at blive her et semester, og selvom jeg ved det er det rigtige for mig, så er det alligevel lidt trist. Tilknytningen slipper jeg jo ikke for. Selvom det har været svært, har det her jo været mit hjem de sidste fire måneder. Jeg har levet sammen med de her mennesker, der før var fremmede, og nu er venner, i de sidste fire måneder.

Jeg har været i Tennessee, Arkansas, Missouri og Illinois. Jeg nåede ikke til Texas, men det er helt okay. Da jeg havde chancen, tog jeg den ikke. Det må vist være menningen så. Men jeg har oplevet så meget andet. Jeg har følt den ægte amerikanske skoleånd. Spist s'mores, BBQ i massevis, oplevet Thanksgiving i Chicago og Halloween på et ægte amerikansk campus med alt hvad der hører med. Jeg har boet på måske verdens smukkeste campus, som billederne ovenfor så fint bekræfter. Jeg har fået venner, jeg gerne vil beholde for resten af livet. Jeg har haft nok verdens bedste roomate. Antallet af gange vi har været oppe den halve nat for at vende verdenssituationen kan ikke tælles på to hænder. Selvom jeg, indrømmet, mest har hængt ud med mit internationale slæng, så er der også et par amerikanere, der har gjort indtryk på mig. Det sker ellers ikke så tit. Det akademiske miljø har været ovenud fantastisk, og jeg har haft de bedste lærere i verden, uden tvivl. Etnocentrismen viser sit ansigt hver evig eneste dag, men det er også noget af det, der har gjort mit ophold her så lærerigt. At studere i en by som Memphis, hvor segregation, fattidom og racisme er hverdagskost for et alt for stor procentdel af indbyggerne, har i den grad fået mig gjort opmærksom på hvor mange problemer USA, og i særdeleshed sydstaterne, egentlig kæmper med. Det var ikke før, at jeg så det med mine egne øjne, at jeg indså hvor galt det står til. Det var ikke før, jeg hørte mine egne klassekammerater og venner tale højt om den diskrimination, de oplever hver eneste dag - på vores eget campus - at det gik op for mig, hvorfor Black Lives Matter er vigtigt. Hvorfor vi blev nødt til at demonstrere imod det, der skete på University of Missouri. Det virker mærkværdigt at nævne de her problemstillinger, når folk spørger mig, hvad der har gjort mest indtryk på mig igennem min tid her. Men det er sandheden. Som min canadiske professor fortalte os, da hun gav os hendes syn på, hvorfor hun godt kan lide Memphis. Fordi det er umuligt at ignorere alt det, der er galt.

Jeg vil komme til at savne det her sted. Tak Memphis. Tak for gode minder, gode diskussioner og vigtigst af alt, gode venner.

Today marks the end of my 3rd semester at college. My exchange semester is over, and in a few hours, I'll be on a plane back to Europe. These past four months have been a rollercoaster without equal. Once again, I am about to go back to Denmark after one of my adventures. It hasn't been easy. When is it ever? You get used to moving around, eventually. You get used to being in more than one place at a time. At least that's what it feels like sometimes. I was sure I had reached the point where I'd be experienced enough to do this without losing my cool. But even I have to admit that it doesn't get any easier. It might never. Is there a way to get yourself used to moving around every 3th month or every half year? I'm pretty good at keeping a sense of belonging, but when all this is over, I've had 23 flights this year. Twenty three. And this year hasn't even been that cracy. As I wrote in this post, there wasn't the tiniest bit of anxiety or nervousness to be felt when I left for Tennessee. And it never came. In this sense, I am 'experienced' and I've done it before. Too many times sometimes. However, the attachment is a different game. I don't think that'll ever go away, and I think I have made my peace with that. I am only human, after all, right? Let's face it, it would be pretty sad if we could stay in a place for a longer period of time and not feel any sad feelings once it's time to leave it, right? 

I have to say it. It's difficult moving around constantly. While I've been here, I've missed Aberdeen. Personally, I think it's healthy to be away from something and subsequently realizing how much you love it. Especially when it's a place you can go back to. Missing my 2nd home has been nice, because I'll be back there in less than a month. But the attachment still snuck up on me. Even though I want to leave, I can't help feel a little twinge of sadness. Just because it's over. Just because the reality, that been my reality for the past four months, is going to shatter tomorrow when I get on my first plane. For those of you who are still unaware, I'm not coming back here next semester. Halfway through this past semester I decided to cut it short and return to Scotland next year. I have no doubts about whether or not it really was the right thing to do, because I know it is the right thing to do. But attachment is still a bitch. I've been living here for the past four months. These people, the majority being people with whom I will most likely ever cross paths again, have become my friends. We met as strangers and part as friends. 

While I've been here, I've visited Arkansas, Missouri and Illinois. And Tennessee, of course. I never made it to Texas, but that's okay. When I had the chance, I didn't take it. So I think everything turned out how it was supposed to. I've done so many other things. I've experienced the American college spirit. I've eaten lots of s'mores, stuffed myself with delicious Southern BBQ, I've celebrated Thanksgiving in Chicago and Halloween on a college campus with everything it entails. I've been living on what is probably the most beautiful campus on earth. What more could you ask for? I've gotten to know a lot of wonderful people, some of whom turned into friendships I want to preserve for the rest of my life. I've had the best roommate in the entire world. Ah, the number of times we've stayed up late discussing everything from ethnocentrism, inequality, travelling.. Even though I've mostly been hanging with my international crew (guilty as charged), I have managed to find a few American friends, some of which have made a lasting impression on me. A rare case, I should mention. 
The academic environment at Rhodes has been amazing and I've had some of the best teachers I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. The ethnocentrism is ever-present, but, believe or not, this is one of things that has made my stay here so interesting. Studying in a city like Memphis, where segregation, poverty, inequality and racism are everyday occurrences for a way too large percentile of the population, has made me realize how many problems the US, and the South in particular, is actually facing. I had to see and hear it from my own friends and classmates, before it clicked. It wasn't before I heard the people, people that I see every day, talk about these problems, that I realized why Black Lives Matter is important. I realized why action needs to be taken against what happened at Mizzou. It seems strangely odd to list these things when people ask me what has impacted me the most during my time here. But that's the truth. As my Canadian Political Science-professor said, when she told us why she liked living in Memphis. It's impossible to ignore the problems. 

With that, I'll end this. Thank you, Memphis. Thank you for some amazing memories, some good food for thought and some good people I'd like to keep in my life forever. Another chapter comes to an end.

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